Negative vs Positive

Hello? Just got back from a church activity and BBQ steamboat session with Eugene and his church friends from City Harvest. Oh my, I can feel so much positive energy in them, all of them talk with confident and is warm and not afraid to express their emotion.. I have not seen anything like this for quite a while. I am really impressed.

I guess been positive is a good thing especially when time are bad or when things are not just going well. One of the church group member actually shared how Christianity had changed his life.. what he mentioned was real heart-warming, about how his sister got leukaemia when he was just 8 years old and how a miracle had cured his sister. Also about how he as a young man serving his National Service lost his sense of direction in life but finally got his life on track after going back to Christ. Very touched but what he said. Maybe having a belief or faith in a religion can sometimes changed a person.

I had been a Buddist all my life, when people asked me why? I told them I had attended church when I was about 11 or 12 years old and was subsequently enrolled into a Methodist school where I received 4 years of Christian education but somehow I chose Buddism as many miracles had happened before me. Been a Buddist also changed my life in one way or another, like I mentioned earlier, having a belief or faith in a religion can sometime changed a person. When I was in my second year of polytechnic, I was a a foul mouth 18 years old punk who had to attach some vulgarities in every of my sentence. It was during this period that I flunk 2 of my subjects and had to take sub-papers. One of the subject, E.Maths was a killer for me as I never do well with Maths. My score was so low for my prelims that I had to score at least 85 marks to get a supplementary pass (45 to 49 points). You may call it stupid but I made a vow that I will quit scolding vulgarities if I passed my exams. And guess what, I did and I dunno how as I dun really know how to answer the questions. That is why till this day, I never scold vulgarities.

Karma- Do you believe in Karma? There is verse in the bible which says "Do not undo others what you don't want others to do undo you". I also remember this verse when it was first mentioned to me in my secondary school days. In my younger days, I was really a punk, I shoplift, stole people shoes for fun and done many many stupid things. Guess what happened to me one fine day in 1994? I brought a brand new pair of Caterpillar shoes (it was then one of the hottest brand) and my mom decided to dry under the sun cos it was a bit wet. What happened next is sometime which till today I believe is my karma for the wrong things I did in my younger days. The pair of shoes was stolen in broad daylights. There are still many instances which slowly comes back to haunt me... I definately believe in Karma and you just have to accept it when it comes...

Principle in Life - I always remember the day in Sec 3 that this verse from the bible was mentioned to me. it goes something like this "Don't let people look down on you just because you are young..." I don't remember the rest of the verse but I am sure that it is from Timothy. Because of this verse, I always strive hard to achieve things which many people my age would dream of. Maybe becos of this overachievement in my younger days, now in my thirties, I am feeling a bit reluctant to face the fact or take failure in everything that I do. In short, I am no longer so much of a self-driven, energytic and positive person as I was in my younger days. I still remember when I was 24 years old, working in the Navy as a technician, it was the greatest time of my life when I was auditing the northeast MRT line for their compressed air system. I remember vividly that at the end of the audit, I will be seated at the front of the table with 2 full Colonels sitting on my left and the whole LTA project team and their ang-moh contractors sitting on my right waiting for me to give my feedback on the audit. I had such authority and respects that even the ang-moh dare not to challenge me on my findings. Emm, what a wonderful sense of achievement...

I am I may be getting senile as I can only recall some of the times that had happened in the past... but isn't that what most singaporeans are suffering from. For a start, the primary and secondary school where I studied in is no longer around.. My old neighbourhood in Aljunied Cresent had changed so much till I dun even recognise the areas that I used to hang out during my 24 years stay in that area. Singapore is changing so fast and so rapidly that a lot of people like me are getting senile, they lost their memory of the past and their sense of identity and focus into the future...

I told a lot of my friends that I had become mad since my grandmom pass away and I still think so. It was like yesterday when she was still around to take care of us and listen to whatever complains we had. How we enjoyed her cooking.. but all this is no more... no more... I still dream about our old home in Aljunied and how my grandmom was when she was still alive... I dunno but since her death in May 2004, I wasn't able to pick up the pieces where I had left off... I still dunno what I want to do with my life... if only life was like a harddisk where I can delete certain sections of the disk and replace with some newer files..

Oh Mine! The Year is Ending!

Hello? I finally decided to update my Blog after more than 5 months.. Many things have changed, for a start, I am now a 30 years old man. I had also quitted my well paid job with ST Kinetics to work as a Financial Adviser... Looking back in the last few months... I asked myself if I had really use my time productively? emm, yes, I suppose considering the amount of change I had brought to my ex-company and no for the past few months since I quitted my last job.

Financial Adviser - Angel or Bane? I always asked myself this question, I always project myself as a angel been send down by the almightly one to save the world.. telling people about the importance of financial planning but emm, recently I am having thoughts that maybe I am a bane to the society.. or at least what most of the FA are doing are not of the correct manner... Yes, people like to listen to nice things but I think it is not ethnical nor professional if we give people a chance to identify their needs and help them select the products they need... most of the times people sell by product pushing. Is a FA a professional or a salesman? emm, for me I want to be a professional but emm, been professional is eating into my finances. No offends to anyone reading this... This is just my view.

Friends/Buddies - They are in Bangkok for their expendition... how I wish I could join them. Emm, was telling one of colleagues the differences been self employed and been an employee. Been self employed, you have the time but may not have the money but emm, been employed, you may have the money but not the time. Anyway, in my current situation, I can't even afford a trip to KL...

Me/Myself - I think I am still having this big ego problem or maybe I just need to manage my attitude like what my manager told me. I used to think that I am oh so Mr Stress Resistant, Hardworking... etc but emm, since I started work as a FA, I think I am not that great after all, compared to my younger female colleagues who are working ever so much harder than me. Shame on me!!! The best thing that had happened to me so far since I started work is that I can now sleep stress free unlike my last job where I can't get a good sleep without having nightmares.. Guess nothing in this world is perfect, you have to sacrifice something in exchange for something...

Next Week - Oh, next week should be great less for monday.. I am gonna be whacked upside down. no sales done, dun meet the prospects requirement, never fixed enough appointment. Have to work harder... Other than that looking forward to my SDU Desaru trip and also my blind date next week..
Oh mine, also I think I am having work related illness, every new person I knew I will think of closing them... hahaha, sicko...

Thanks for whoever is reading this...

With Thanks from Thirty year old sicko..